June 5, 2012

I'm Not Doing This Anymore




I wake up at the same time everyday
think the same thoughts as my eyes open
asking myself what’s the point
nothing has changed
I am still the same me

The coffee pot makes its familiar gurgling sound
brown liquid trickling down
and I know when it will stop
I count the seconds
tapping my fingers on the old countertop
my heart heavy
feeling so useless
ready to add the cream
when will things be different
they never will
so it seems

I look into the bathroom mirror
my lines and unfulfillment stare back
same time
same station
the only difference is that the picture is filled with static
no clarity
no fine tuning

My mountain has grown
and it takes longer to get around it
a few rocks fall now and then
but still,
nothing to show for all my troubles
I still wonder when

I walked my usual path today
thinking my usual thoughts
I was sad
distraught
I was counting the years
there had been too many tears
regrets
disillusions
lies
How do I break this spell that has me crippled
how do I stop that one pebble from making all the ripples
in this lake

I turned down the same street that I always do
and there lie a paper on the ground
it said,
if you want that mountain to fade,
if you want that coffe pot to make tea
maybe there is one tiny step you could do
to turn that lake into a sea

And as I repeated this sparkling revelation in my head
letting it bounce around the hollows of my soul
I said,
I know !

What if I didn’t follow the yellow-brick road
what if I used a tea bag instead
and would it be so bad to see beauty instead of a toad
and to maybe take the chance
in spite of not knowing what lies ahead
and
What if I said yes instead of no
to see the sky as blue instead of gray
and walked a mile in someone else’s shoes
to make them smile
to take away their blues
that would be a win,
not a lose
right?

Why haven’t I thought of this before

Yeah, I’m getting it
if I made just one small change a day
just one tiny step in a new direction
if I just wandered off without following the others
and just let the road less traveled be my own
then just maybe
perhaps it’s possible
that I could change my misery
perhaps I will wake up with a new thought
and stop going around that same old mountain

The first step is easy
and after all,
what do I have to lose ?


© valentine defrancis all rights reserved

2 comments:

galeminchew said...

Beautiful, Valentine! I hear you in every word written...the beauty is in the "knowing"...

Valentine said...

Thank you, Gale. So glad you came to read it.