August 13, 2012
Da-Nile Is Not Just a River in Egypt
Okay. So, you've just discovered that the man in your life has been cheating on you. As the idea of it smothers your imagination with scenerios that leave you mortified---such as the two of them making love, staring into each other's eyes, whispering words of adoration and longing--you can't believe it. You just cannot accept that it could be true. Oh, the devastation. The betrayal.
Once the initial shock wears off, you're ready to rip him apart. You're ready to confront him. And with your finger into his nose, you'll say, "You dirty lowlife. I know what you did!"
And so the battle begins.
At first, he's going to deny it. You know he will. He's going to say you're crazy. But when he sees that you're not buying into that line of b.s., he's then going to say that it's a lie--that the person who told you is not only a liar, they're jealous of your relationship and is hoping to break it apart. When that fails, he's going to do one of two things:
1--he's going to say that he's going out and that you need time to cool down because you've obviously lost your mind.
2--he's going to come clean, because in truth, people who cheat want to get caught for a number of reasons.
So. Let's examine the reasons.
When people cheat it's not you they're cheating on. It feels like it's being done to you because you're the one suffering the consequences of the infidelity. But in truth, it's not you. It's them. They're seeking out other people because they feel empty and unfulfilled. When they couldn't get what they needed from you, they went to someone else thinking that they could get what they needed from them. It's never about you, contrary to what you believe. Why? As humans, we want attention and love, praise and adoration, and when we don't get it from one person, we subconsciously gear toward another hoping we'll get what we need from them. That's why friendships often break apart. We grow, and outgrow each other all the time, searching for others who will now fill our mental and emotional needs. It's natural in the scheme of life. But the cheating thing?
Another reason why people want to get caught is because they don't have the nerve to play the bad guy. Sometimes, a person wants out of a relationship and will give clues and signals, hoping that you'll catch-on and find out. This is because they're hoping that when you do find out, you'll break up with them, which now shifts the bad-guy blame from them to you. It's all a head game.
So now that you've found out that he's been unfaithful, what will you do? Will you forgive him? Drill him, nonstop? Monitor every move he makes hoping to catch him doing it again?
Let's talk about this. What would you do if you found out today that your partner was or has been unfaithful?