September 14, 2008

You've Used Me and Now I'm Done With You

What was I thinking? Perhaps I wasn't thinking. Perhaps I thought too much or too highly of myself. I believed that everything I was doing was right. I thought that I was being a good friend. I thought that we had a relationship; we were more than pen and paper communicating. But I just learned that I was wrong. Once again I was wrong. Once again, it was just another lesson that I had to learn... as if I haven't learn enough. One would think that there could only be so many lessons that could be learned in one lifetime, but I just found out that it never ceases--not in this fleshly existence. Yes, what was I thinking when I thought that I meant something to you?

Maybe it's me. Maybe my good intentions and advice that you asked me for was all for my own benefit. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to be held on a pedestal in your eyes. Maybe I wanted you to sing my praises loudly for everyone to hear. Perhaps that was my underlying motive of which I was unaware at the time.

Oh ego, look what you've done. You made me a diluted fool. You made me a seeker of gratification to which there is no end. I applaude your divine intelligence, but now I have to laugh. I see through you. I understand how you operate. You can't get over on me because I'm genius in my own right. Your pathetic attempt to seek out glory and worth has now been recognized; therefore you can no longer win. You've been had just like me.

I've figured you out, just as I have figured out that I'm not important to anyone but myself. It may be all about me in my world, but it's all about them in their world's, as well.

Go ahead and laugh. You led me to think that I mattered to them. You conjured up the illusion of greatness, yet I was the only one who observed this powerless trick. I hang my head in shame. Where's my cross?

Oh ego, why? You've tricked me into thinking that they cared. So, it was all about me? Was it all about how I wanted to be something wonderful in their eyes? Never mind. I have stumbled upon this brilliant revelation as I write this; one of many revelations that I have had the pleasure of knowing and learning from. This is just another.

Ego, you're still laughing. I get it. I understand the mind better than most. It took another blow to open my eyes, but at least they are now open. I knocked on the door and you answered. You let me in and made me feel at home. You were quite the host. You've served me my whine with love and tender nurturing, all in the pretenses of fueling yourself. I understand completely.

Ego, did you say something? Did I just hear you whisper that they only care about themselves? Did you just snicker that they've used me and betrayed me? Or are you telling me this because you feel bruised?

It's a good thing I have you, ego. That's all I have to say.

September 7, 2008

Is Your Pain all in Your Ass ?

You’re in pain, and it’s keeping you from living your life. You’ve tried everything, and you can’t get rid of it. You’ve been to numerous doctors, and they all agree that you are in pain. They give you pain medication, and you take it. After all, you’re in pain. Every day of your life, you tell yourself that you are in pain. You tell your family and friends that you are in pain, and soon, that’s what all your conversations are about . . . your pain. People start referring to you as “the friend who is suffering from this particular type of pain”, and now this has become your identity. Can I tell you something that you’re not going to like? Something that I know first hand?
All right, get closer and listen carefully. This is a bit deep. Once HE told me this, I went and got a book on the subconscious mind, and let me tell you, I learned alot.

After I read THIS book, my chest pains went away because now I was able to understand how the mind works. But here’s where it gets tricky. After the chest pains went away, I was getting stomach aches every day. Yep. My mind picked something else to focus on and brought it to manisfestation. Not only were my stomach aches real, I had to constantly go to the bathroom. It got so bad that I went to a specialist and had an upper and lower GI series done. Guess what? They found nothing wrong. Zippo–nada. When I got the results, I took out the book that I had bought, and reread it. You know what happened? My stomach aches went away.

Okay. So now I’ve rid myself of chest pains and stomach troubles. After that,I started getting itchy eyes. Can you imagine? Itchy eyes? They were so freakin’ itchy that I thought that I had to go to a specialist, but this time I thought about the book and how our minds will manifest our hurts into physical pain. Guess what happened after I came to the realization? My eyes stopped itching.

These manifestations stayed with me for a couple of years, until I had exhausted just about every part of my body, but as I dealt with each issue in my life, my agoraphobia was also going away. The point in all of this? The point is that although the pain is real, most of the time we bring it on because there is something in our lives that we do not want to deal with.
And don’t get all pissy and say, “Val, you have no idea about my pain and how it’s affecting my life”. Yes I do, because guess what just happened to me? I was just reminded of all of this a little while ago while I was communing with God.

I have been in pain for over a year and have gone to the doctor twice for it. I was given medication for the problem but it keeps coming back. Well, today, as I talked to God, I received this answer. It’s something that I’ve known for almost 21 years but had forgotten about.

Let me elaborate. My mother died a little over one year ago, and I haven’t been the same, mentally. I can’t seem to get passed her leaving me. The pain that I am experiencing is due to my unacceptance of her death. It is easier for me to deal with my physical pain, believe it or not, then to deal with never seeing her again. Now I do not want to live in pain–trust me. I want a happy and rich life, so when I questioned God today about this pain, He gave me this reminder. Now believe this or not, it’s your choice. I’m sitting here and I’m feeling pretty darn good. Why? Because I am now realizing that it’s true. My mother leaving me was the hardest thing for me to accept. My identity had been taken. The “who” I am can’t be associated anymore to any particular thing because that thing is gone. I have suffered deep loss of my mother and of myself. My emotional pain was too much to handle so it transferred itself to my body, and then I focused on that for the whole year. Dang! I’m good.

People listen to me, I’m begging you. I know your pain is real. Please don’t tell me that I don’t know this. I do. But what I am asking you to do is to reach deep in your mind and heart and ask yourself this big million dollar question: What is going on in my life that I do not want to deal with? And be honest . . . real honest. It may hurt to admit that you really don’t love your spouse. It may crush you to admit that you are afraid of your future and that you feel you are a waste of life. It may torment you to face that you have no self esteem, or that your father molested you. Whatever it is that you don’t want to face is not going to kill you. I’m saying this to you because I care.

What is happening inside of your mind that you don’t want to deal with? When you come clean, and face it, and then learn to deal with the hurt, you very well may get rid of your physical pain. Hey, isn’t it worth a try? Aren’t you worth a little effort to be physically well and mentally happy? Try it. What do you have to lose besides your pain?

Don’t thank me. Thank the Master.

©Valentine deFrancis. All rights reserved. 2008